coming out to myself
coming out to myself
well... i guess my story has just
started, my real story that is. i have struggled with my sexual orientation
for awhile. i never accepted who i was. i tried to push it
back and pretend it didn't exist.
after a long time
of hiding and fear someone would find out my secrete, i finally had enough.
i couldn't take the torment of constantly worrying someone would find out.
i realized that part of my fear that others would find out was based on
the fact that i was scared to be gay. that i never accepted that
i was gay. so, after a particularly bad weekend of worrying, i came
out to myself. i accepted who i was, and forgot how i was not.
i started to love me for all the good things i am, and, stopped hating
myself for what i wished i was not. it felt so cool! for me
to be able to say to myself, "i'm gay" and not hate it, but instead be
proud of it is the greatest thing in the world!
coming out to my best friend
during this time of coming out to
myself i found a web sight of a gay guy who was a friend. this guys
web sight gave me the courage to be myself and to come out to my best friend!
i came out on september 13, 1999! it ws the hardest thing i think
i've ever done! it took so long for the words, "i'm gay" to come
out. i tried and tried, but they just wouldn't come out. finally,
after trying so long, they came, and for the first time in my life i said
the words, "i'm gay". and my best buds reaction? he said, "it
doesn't change a thing." he is so cool! without him, i don
't think i would have made it.
woo hoo! right
now i am living the confusion every guy feels when he first comes out.
i'm still not out to anyone but my best buddy and a few friends on the
web (that's why no piks yet : ) with the help of my friends, i'm
going to make it! woo hoo!
coming out to my sister
i was not sure i would ever come
out to anyone else. on the eve of the new millennium i was so happy.
i was happy about the future. i was happy about the future acceptance
of gays in society. after i rang in the 21st century i decided it
was time. i had been thinking for awhile about telling my sister.
so, we went outside (it was cold, but i wanted to be alone). after
a little small talk we talked about the changes that have happened to me.
i told her i was happier than i had ever been, because i was finally able
to be me and not care what anyone else thought. then i told her,
"i'm gay". what was my sister's reaction? she said, "why didn't
you tell me sooner?". she was soooo supportive! she said it
wasn't right that society made me feel like i couldn't be who i was.
it is so cool to have someone else who knows the real me!
feeling like kicking out the closet
door
2-3-2000
sometimes i feel so good about
who i am, so confident in myself, that i think i can tell the world i'm
gay! right now i feel like i could tell my entire family, everyone
at the theatre... just everyone. i try to understand what gives that
confidence. i really think a lot of it has to do with craig.
not specifically him, but just the fact that there is a guy who i like.
that there is a guy who likes me. it is not about what may or may
not happen with, but just that fact that he is there. that gives
me strength and confidence. with that confidence i feel like i could
come out any time.
coming out at work
2-?-2000
i was really ready to come out
at work. my boss, chrissy was worried about me feeling bad.
i was ready to quit work because of a lot of gay bashing that was going
on. of course no one knew i was gay, and i believe that they probably
would not have said the things in front of me if they knew... it still
hurt. chrissy kept asking what was wrong. i wanted to talk
to her later, but she was not going to accept that. so right there,
at work i told her. i said, you know the people that some of the
staff make fun of? she asked if they were making fun of me behind
my back. i said no, that is not it. i said, they make fun of
gay people. she asked, are they calling you gay? i said, not
that isn't it. chrissy, i am gay. so it really hurts to hear
what they say. she wasn't even concerned about the fact i was gay.
she simply said, don't let them make you leave.
afterwards i was so scared.
i was crying and shaking like a leaf. i couldn't believe i said it.
i hid until it was time for me to leave and then i slipped out the back
door. later she said she came back to talk to me some more but couldn't
find me. after some time to myself and a good movie (me the movie
freak! Cider House Rules) i felt much better. i was happy i told
her. and so far, we have been great friends. and she is really
cool. she talks to me about things like my parents and how they will
react, guys i like, all kinds of things i have been needing to talk about.
so that was the start of my coming
out at work. it was hard, but i made it :-) and i'm much better
for having done it! cool!
coming out... to my little sis,
brother in law and the world
August 2000
well... i guess as i feel more
and more comfortable with who i am it makes it easier and easier to tell
people close to me who i am. i decided to tell my little sis.
i felt she prolly already knew. she had said some things in the past
that made me believe she knew and was waiting on me to tell her.
so i took her to the zoo and on the way i told her. well... i was
wrong. she was totally shocked. she wasn't negative at all,
just shocked. she has been completely fine with it since. our
relationship has not changed one bit.
my older sister asked me when i
was going to tell my brother in law, cause she was having a tough time
keeping things from him. so, i walked into the house and said a few
things and then just said, "i'm not straight, i'm gay." he said something
like, "ok... so? did you expect me to say 'get the hell out of my
house!' or something? i don't care. doesn't bother me."
that made me feel good, cause i've always worried about him. and
i think it will help with telling dad cause my brother in law has a connection
with my dad. seems like more than any connection i've ever had.
so if my brother in law accepts me, that might influence my dad.
i hope...
i guess over all i am out now.
i sign up for gay things, which i would never do before, always fearing
of my name showing up on a gay list. i bought a rainbow static sticker
for my car, and i've left it on. rony bought me a rainbow friendship
bracelet and i'm wearing it. the only people left that i really need
to tell are my parents, and that just can't happen, not yet. i must
be out of this house first. i'm working on that now. it feels
so great not to have to hide anymore. i still have to be careful,
that is why my brother doesn't know yet. it will feel so great when
i'm not hidden any more. not yet, but one day...
next coming out?????????
whatcha
think? let me know! craigers24@hotmail.com
main
page aBout Me My
jouRnal pikS
of mE friEnds and liNks
cool
gay resOurcEs enTertainment
stuff teLl me What you
thiNk
my
Adrian Grenier pagecOOl stuff to
help Us get thRough life gaY
guY News